According to the World Wide Web, the idea of Mother’s Day dates back to ancient Greek and Roman cultures and was really more about acknowledging mothering goddesses. As someone who loves to watch the cycles of the moon, who makes it a point to go outside and howl at the moon during any showing of the full moon, someone who thinks nothing of getting up at 4am to watch the moon crest over the ocean, I love the idea of Mother’s Day being tied to goddesses, planets, the moon and any other environmentally sound idea. That feels like an authentic spirit of Mother’s Day.
Following the ancient Greek and Romans, the Christians’ idea of Mother’s Day was about people returning to the church. As someone who grew up Catholic, I am not at all surprised to learn that the Christians thought that Mother’s Day should be about returning to the church. Of course it should! And if the Catholics had anything to do with it, I am sure it involved some financial contribution that, if made in honor of your mother, knocked off some number of years of penance you had to pay in purgatory. Excuse me. My cynicism is peeking through.
The more contemporary idea of Mother’s Day is really credited to two women in particular. Julia Ward Howe, in the late 1800’s, wanted a day to acknowledge mothers who were part of a movement working to actually prevent war. In 1870, Howe wrote the original Mother’s Day Proclamation which was really a cry for peace, but a call that was for women, not just mother’s. It opens with “Arise then…women of this day!” And she wrote so many call-to-action lines – “Say firmly: We will not have great questions decided by irrelevant agencies…We, women of one country, will be too tender of those from another country to allow our sons to be trained to injure theirs…in the name of womanhood.” (emphasis mine) My favorite thing about Howe is that her language really reflected the gross destruction that war causes, graphic descriptions of blood and bodies being ripped apart and the impact of killing and death. Unfortunately, Howe’s plea did not get any traction.
The more contemporary idea of Mother’s Day is from a campaign launched by Anna Jarvis and it was to honor her mother Anna Reeves Jarvis, who was known as Mother Jarvis. Mother Jarvis lived in the Appalachian Mountains and was really a human rights activist. She was a homemaker and had a concern about the high infant mortality rate in her area of the world. As such, she took on educating young mothers about how to care for their families. Similarly, she formed various women’s groups to focus on the unsanitary combat conditions during the Civil War, without regard to which side anyone was on. She worked to create a bridge between the two sides of the war and called for the women to speak Peace.
When Mother Jarvis passed away, in 1905, her daughter, Anna Jarvis, wanted the work her mother did recognized. After all, her mother had devoted her life to helping women and families, working for peace, and working to bring people together. While Mother Jarvis was focused on community service, her daughter saw the contributions that women make in their own households, the sacrifices women make for their families, and felt that those women, like her mom, deserved to be recognized. She organized, printed information to distribute, organized at local churches resulting in Philadelphia becoming the first city to proclaim an actual day to honor mothers.
In 1914, Mother’s Day became an official American holiday when President Woodrow Wilson signed a bill declaring the second Sunday in May to be Mother’s Day. THIS is where the whole idea takes a pretty severe left turn. Wilson is credited for declaring that Mother’s Day be dedicated to “the best mother in the world, your mother.”
What. A. Set. Up.
Not to bash Wilson, who I am sure was of pure heart when he said those words, but it really does lay the groundwork for every disappointment that follows. I want someone to define “best mother” for me. I gave mothering everything I knew to give. I wanted nothing more than to be a mother and there are times when I would say that raising children were the best years of my life. But would I say I was the BEST mother? Do I feel like I was the BEST mother? Do my kids behave like I was the BEST mother? Give me a break!!! Not only do I think none of THAT is true, but I also think the whole idea of measuring and evaluating mothers is ridiculous.
NOT to mention the people who had undeniably shitty mothers! Mother’s who did not care for them, mothers who could not wade through their own demons to care for their children. Mothers who never got the love they needed so they then did not have a template of what it looks like to nurture children. Mothers who never wanted to be mothers, but who found themselves in the role and did the best they could, but who would never be described as “the best.”
And this does not take into account the millions of women who are not mothers - either they wanted to have kids and could not or they just didn’t want kids and are now “not mothers.” Or how about the millions of people whose mothers died too soon. People like my dad who lost his mother when he was seven years old! Or people who have lived the majority of their lives without their mother who they loved and who loved them! Those souls who would gladly trade anything for more time with their mother, but instead endure weeks of Mother’s Day ads that just drive the stake in further each year. I am telling you, the entire thing is a set up!!!
Anna Jarvis would agree with me, by the way. Once Mother’s Day became more and more commercialized, she distanced herself from the entire idea. At some point, she didn’t even want women’s groups and organizations to promote Mother’s Day because it was nothing about the work her mother did, about the spirit and strength unique to women. Shortly after becoming a national holiday, Mother’s Day was well on the way to becoming much of what it is today - a holiday that is steeped in commercial spending, pulling for either obligation or guilt. So forgive me if I sit this one out. On this particular American holiday, I decline celebrating mothers and join in the spirit of Julia Howe, Mother Jarvis and women everywhere who are looking past Hallmark towards the bigger idea of bringing opposing sides together in the name of peace. I’m with the uncountable numbers of women who are working for something much bigger than any title or national holiday can provide - something that has nothing to do with gender, role they have, a list of accomplishments or any personal recognition at all.